Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
