I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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