so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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