it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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