i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
