508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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