So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
