i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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