Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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