i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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