plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
