Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
