There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
