I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
