i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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