i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
