Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
