Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
