Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
