I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
