Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im holly from the hills drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
