U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
