you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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