i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
