I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
