how can u be prego again
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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