maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
