just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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