I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
