elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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