I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nutella sex= disaster
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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