Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
