All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
