Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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