wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
