Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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