I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
