I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
