I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
