It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
