I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
