hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
