Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
