I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
