But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
