peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
should my penis look like a turkey
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
