I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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