Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
