If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
