Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
