Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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