I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
