She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
