You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
