We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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