why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
