Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize