would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
