So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
