i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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