I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Panties = found
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
