laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
